August,25th,2011
thursday
mood:down, confused
Dear,journal
When will life help me. I keep getting thrown curve balls and i dont know what will help all i want is to have my kids back thats all i desire. And here comes along today a rich old man on dateing site i was on saying he wanted to be my boyfriend mind u this guy is like in his 70's (GAG) and in return he will spoil me by giveing me all ive ever wanted. A part of me is saying Yes do it! You could get your kids back! and another part of me is disgusted at the very thought not just cause he is old and wrinkly but because i really dont feel its right this guy is gonna love me and cherish me and treat me like a queen and im gonna use him to get my kids back. I really dont know what to do. My kids are everything to me and i would do just about anything to get them back but is it really right to hurt others in the process? I keep praying for god to help me get my kids back and mabe this is him helping but i honestly dont know i dont think god would send something like this i think its just a test. And if so i may fale because im honestly thinking about doing it no matter how wrong it is all i keep seeing is my kids back in my arms and getting to see my daughter off to school and tucking my kids in bed at night again knowiing i wont have to give them back a day later the though alone is very apealing. You can see where im comeing from right? Please someone comment because i am honestly stuck in a rut and im about to tell my heart fuck you and go with my gut. I dont know mabe this is my second chance the one ive been waiting for but its also the easy way out. :( im so confused.
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