august,20th,2011
saturday
mood: tearfull, out of controll
Dear, journal
Today has not started off well im out of meds and really not in the mood for anything good thing my mom went to fill my meds but it wont get rid of my worrys about the future and what happened yesterday at the dr's. anyhow yesterday i went to my dr like i was sopposed to and she asked how i was doing and i told the truth i said "Im depressed how do u think im doing i just lost both my kids, Dureing the week i cry and sleep all the time i just dont see the point in getting up and trying" well first she changed my depression meds and im starting zoloft today 100mg and then she said she thinks i would be better in the adult residential program mind u oaklawn is a mental hospital so wouldnt that be like putting me in the state hospital my mom said its one step up from the regular mental hospital and one step down from the state hospital. I dont know what to think i may not be able to get my kids while im there but i may be able to idk she said she would check into it for me. If so i may go for it i mean i would have to go to groups everyday and i would have rules and i dont know if im aloud aloud to go out or anything i guese ill find out me and my mom have an apointment september 9th. with the sychietrist to set everything up and talk about it all.im just so afraid everyone is gonna forget me when i go in there im afraid there gonna say good ridins she is gone. I know i have caused so many peaple hell and they want me to be there 1-2 years and in that time im afraid my mom will move to tennesee and everyone will forget about me. :( i really dont know what to do anymore im so afraid!
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