~im a fighter because of her~

August,30th,2011
Tuesday
Mood: im ok

Dear,journal

    I thought today would be like really hard cause the kids went back and i was sopposed to meet that sigusting old geezer. But its not ok ya the kids did go back and thats kinda depressing and i feel like my step dad is always on my case and my sister said she felt the same way so i guese im not so alone. But it gives me time to plan my sons b-day party for saturday were gonna go to ryans and it makes me happy that even though i may not get to be there on his actual b-day that at least im setting aside a day for it and throwing him a little party. And as for the sugar daddy i dint even go meet him i kinda ditched him i just couldnt do it it was to gross.
     But im still confused ive been still talking to my ex fiance ian and i guese were like back together he wants to start where we left off and i honestly dont know if i could do that but i do still love him and maybe thats enough to make this work i really dont know all i can do is try. Its good to be able to talk to my mom about this stuff even if she gets mad at me sometimes. But like tonight i told her that i did still love him and i can see my future with him and she said all i can do is try it if it doesnt work then at least i know i tryed right? And it felt good i dont get to sit down and talk to her very often and it felt good to be able to do so. I love my mom no matter how much we fight she is always the one i want there when i need someone to talk to she is always the one i want to hold me. Nobody can replace her. Nobody could even try. As much as i love my aunt and she is like another mother figure not even she could replace my mom. And thats why i hate when me and my mom fight. But like tonight we had been disagreeing the last couple days and i needed my mom tonight so i finnaly talked to her tonight and she helped me with my problem and told me she was sorry for being so on edge lately. And we hugged and i gave her a kiss and were fine again because she is my mom. Its kind of wierd no matter how we fight when i sit down and talk to her im happy again... well as close to happy as i can be at this point but still its the point. Anyhow mom i just wanted to let u know i love you and thank you for being there for me. And thank u for makeing me strong enough to fight through this shit i go through day to day.