~its ok to cry~

August,28th,2011
sunday
Mood: confused

Dear,journal


Alot has happened in this past couple days i havnt written well ive been sick but thats not something big. But my ex fiancee wrote me on facebook. He left me a few months ago and it broke my heart i dint think i would ever hear or see him again so i tryed pushing him to the back of my mind and tryed to forget him i thought it had worked entell yesterday and he wrote me and it brought everything back the love i felt for him the heartache i felt when he left. I remember crying alot when he left he left me the same week i lost my kids. Like two days before i lost my kids he left so it was hell. And i want to cry because i dont know what to do hell i dont even know what i feel anymore. I could always talk to him he was there and he never seemed to judge me for it. I truly loved him even know he wasnt my type i loved his personality. I loved when he would tell me how beautiful he thought i was. How he would hold me when i was upset. he was just there and now months later when im finnaly copeing with loseing my kids and he had to come back and i dont know what to do now. If i was to be honest with myself i think i still love him. And that makes me want to cry even harder not because he wont be with me cause i think he is trying but because i dont know if i can do this right now i dont know if i can trust him not to leave again.