August,29th,2011
monday
Mood: depressed
Dear,journal
I dont understand how i got to this point its like everything is going wrong. Today was my 4 year old sisters first day of school. Her and my daughter were sopposed to start school together today if i would have gotten custady. And it broke me watching my mom take her to the bus stop and takeing all those pictures of her getting on. Something i will never be able to do thanks to my ex husband. What did i do so wrong to deserve this? sometimes i just wanna call it quits and just throw the towel in and give up.
And the things im doing to cope just make me feel worse and hate myself more like im going to meet that old geezer tommarow to go on a shopping spree which isnt free i have to give him something in return i have to be his gf and everything which is really nasty at least im taken my sister with me so im hopen that will mean we cant do much. And i also told my ex fiance we could get back together and we have talked and i think i really do want to but im afraid of hurting him now god when will my life get any easier i know my dad would flip the fuck out about the hole sugar daddy thing thats for sure! I really dont know what to do and the hole thing is just makeing me sick to my stomach litteraly. God please help me i dont want a stupid shopping spree i just wanna get my kids back! I hate my life!!!!!!!
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