September,6th,2011
tuesday
Mood: depressed
Dear,journal
I just wanna cry. I want to end all this suffering and die. I really dont know what to do every time i think im ok i go back down further and i cant pull myself back up anymore. I just wish for once when i say that im fine someone will look at me and say "No your not! Whats wrong?" and never give up entell i tell the truth. But they wont so to everyone im the girl thats just crazy and abnormal nothing else wrong with that. Nobody sees the girl dieing emotionally right in front of there eyes. I just want to scream "somebody see me! See the real me!" but i cant i cant get anymore wierd looks. Everyones already leary of me thinking im gonna snap and kill someone or something when really they have nothing to worry about cause the only person i truly want dead is me. I know thats wrong to say but its how i feel.
my tooth hurts my stomach aches i feel sick everyday and i know most that is because of the depression. Depression truly does hurt not just emotionally but also physsically i dont think anyone realizes that entell they go through it. I cant stand seeing my nutty theripist i told my caseworker im not seeing her anymore and so far they havnt assighned me to a new one its no wonder ive been through 3 in the last 6 months and they probably think im beyond help thats probably why they want to put me away so nobody has to worry about me. I really dont know what to do i told my paster what was wrong with me what i was "diagnosed" with and just the look its the same look everyone gives me i couldnt tell her how i truly felt. With just what i told her i felt like i was burdening her like i do everyone else. Why cant this be easy? Why cant i find on person that it wouldnt burden to hear my troubles? i dont know i just want to go home and cry. Goodbye.
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